How do I being to explain this?
I have wanted to tell you I was done for a few weeks now. I try to throw my hands up and surrender. I tell myself that I'm done. The box is duct taped and on fire. It's over.
Funny thing though. It's not. Why isn't it? Okay, for one you keep popping the bubble and breaking down the walls with your actions and words. You said you didn't know what to do with your feelings. Well, how am I supposed to know? Just get rid of them. Throw them out and say you're done, too. Make it easier for both of us because this whole situation is complicating everything.
I don't feel like I can talk to you about things anymore. You don't pay much attention when I talk. I try and say things but you focus on something else and interrupt. That's okay. I'm used to it, but it proves to me that I was right in the first place. I should have never said anything when you asked. At first I felt relieved that you knew, but now...I screwed things up. I realize that nothing is going to happen. Friends will have to do because I don't think either of us could handle it if we were more.
You said you wanted to see if we could get anywhere later on in like the years to come - after you grow up that is. Hey, you said that. I didn't. Either way I don't have the time. I cannot sit around waiting for you. I have things to do and if a guy likes me and wants to actually be with me why not? The thing is I keep thinking what about you? What about you being jealous like you were with Josh? What about you wanting a chance? Then I think you had your chance and you just blew it. It was bad timing, I'll give it that, but I don't want to hold on anymore. It's not you hurting me. It's me hurting myself by not cutting myself free from these feelings that trap me in your charm. We'll always be friends, at least I hope we will, but I'm done with holding this ball of "maybe". Someone else can have it 'cause I don't want it anymore.
The only thing is I don't know what you're thinking, but that shouldn't matter. I've made up my mind and I'm done. It's not really that I want to, but it has to be.
So I'm sorry if this isn't what you wanted to hear, but I thought you should know. It was about time I just told you. This is my second step to getting over it.
I'm out.
I don't feel like I can talk to you about things anymore. You don't pay much attention when I talk. I try and say things but you focus on something else and interrupt. That's okay. I'm used to it, but it proves to me that I was right in the first place. I should have never said anything when you asked. At first I felt relieved that you knew, but now...I screwed things up. I realize that nothing is going to happen. Friends will have to do because I don't think either of us could handle it if we were more.
You said you wanted to see if we could get anywhere later on in like the years to come - after you grow up that is. Hey, you said that. I didn't. Either way I don't have the time. I cannot sit around waiting for you. I have things to do and if a guy likes me and wants to actually be with me why not? The thing is I keep thinking what about you? What about you being jealous like you were with Josh? What about you wanting a chance? Then I think you had your chance and you just blew it. It was bad timing, I'll give it that, but I don't want to hold on anymore. It's not you hurting me. It's me hurting myself by not cutting myself free from these feelings that trap me in your charm. We'll always be friends, at least I hope we will, but I'm done with holding this ball of "maybe". Someone else can have it 'cause I don't want it anymore.
The only thing is I don't know what you're thinking, but that shouldn't matter. I've made up my mind and I'm done. It's not really that I want to, but it has to be.
So I'm sorry if this isn't what you wanted to hear, but I thought you should know. It was about time I just told you. This is my second step to getting over it.
I'm out.